Monday, December 04, 2006

So You Want to Be a Trucker...

By Alan Burkhart

Lately I've been getting a lot of information requests from people who have either recently entered into trucking, or are considering becoming a trucker. These e-mails are ultimately what have caused me write this article. I'll try to answer the most frequent questions and also anticipate other questions that are as yet unasked. Here goes…

What's it like to be a truck driver?
Not bad. I've been a trucker for most of the last 27 years and I have few regrets. Let me say this: Cross-country trucking is not a job. It's a lifestyle. Being a cross-country trucker changes your life in a few big ways and hundreds of little ways. Your general outlook on life will change a bit because you'll see places and meet people you'd have otherwise not seen or met. You'll learn about how the economy moves, both literally and figuratively, across America and the world. You'll be appreciated for your hard and important work by some, and you'll be abused and disregarded for the very same thing by others. You'll be away from home for periods ranging from days to weeks, and when you're finally home you'll find you appreciate your humble abode just a little bit more than before.

You'll be amazed from time to time at the people who say, "I always wanted to drive a truck." In the last two and a half decades, I've heard this from dozens of "everyday" people, a former World-Champion Pro Wrestler (no, I'm not saying which one), a university science teacher, and a couple of Baptist preachers. Men almost universally have a fascination with Big Iron, and a sleek, fast 18-wheeler is the ultimate Iron, in my opinion. It isn't just men, of course… many women have that same fascination, and there are quite a few female truckers out here, many more now than in years past. I for one like having the girls out here. It keeps us guys on our toes (competition between the sexes and all that).

The bottom line is that it's hard work and you'll get homesick from time to time, but it's also a lot of fun and the money is quite good as skilled labor goes. The real question here is NOT whether trucking is right for you, but whether you are right for trucking. Let's explore that question briefly…

Trucking is a good way of life but like most other lifestyles it also has a dark underbelly. I would be remiss in my responsibility to you if I did not tell you about the "dark side" of trucking. Like any other cross-section of society, you'll find that trucking has its share of undesirable people. You'll find drug users, drug dealers, thieves, smugglers, liars, cowards, prostitutes, and a handful of complete idiots sitting in the driver's seats of 18-wheelers. You'll have to deal with rampant profanity on the CB radio, bad directions from customers, hustlers trying to sell you cheap jewelry and fake Rolex watches, beggars trying to make YOU feel guilty about THEIR bad life-decisions, and warehouse managers who regard truckers as slave labor. You'll deal with what I call "road burnout" when you just know you can't face another day of running your backside off, and stress levels that reach near-biblical proportions. It ain't all fun and games out here, okay? Just thought you'd want to know.

So, you're still here? Good! Read on…
Trucking has plenty of positive aspects to offset the negatives. If you work hard and work SMART, you'll make a lot of money. Most midsize and larger companies have benefit packages ranging from good to great, and you'll find a camaraderie reminiscent of that found in the military, on football teams, and the like. You can strike up a conversation with a total stranger out here because we're all on this boat together. We help each other with no thought of being paid for our time, and you'll see places you'd otherwise not have seen or even known about. You'll visit every major city and small towns you've never heard of. You'll meet people of every stripe, and you'll discover that of all the jobs in America, ours is the most vital to our society. Why? Because almost nothing moves in this country without us. You can't build a rail spur, canal, or runway to every corner grocery store, department store, or auto dealership in the country. Whatever material possessions you may have were at some point delivered by truck. It's unavoidable. Without truckers, America isn't America. Am I proud of this? Yeah, as a matter of fact I am. I like knowing that I do an important service for my country. If that sounds corny to you, please stop reading this article now and find something else to do.


How do I get into trucking?
Nowadays there are many truck driving schools across the country. In addition to the schools most large trucking companies offer training to qualified applicants. At the end of this article I'll include a list of companies that I feel are recommendable. In the "old days" when someone wanted to be a trucker, you had to sneak in through the back door. I drove a tow truck for my father from the time I could simultaneously reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel until I went out into the world. I took my commercial driving test in a 1964 Ford F-750 tow truck with vacuum brakes and no trailer. I have never had a "regular" driver's license. I've always had a commercial license. I lied about my driving experience to get my first trucking job. I damn-near killed myself a dozen times while running down the road asking myself, "what am I DOING out here?!" I can honestly say that I'm a better driver now than I was back then, so don't be afraid if you see me coming.

And please remember that you NEVER know it all. You'll never reach a point in a driving career where you don't have to be cautious every minute of every day. Just because you have control of your vehicle does not mean that everyone around you also has control. Drive as though you're surrounded by idiots, because in many cases, you will be. A truck is only as safe as you make it. There are no unsafe trucks. There are unsafe drivers who have bad driving habits, there are unsafe mechanics who do not properly maintain the equipment, and there are unsafe companies that expect drivers to run when they're tired or when the truck is lacking proper repair. DO NOT let yourself fall into a situation in which your truck becomes an 80,000-pound battering ram. The image at left is of an accident on I-95 back in 2004. The trucker had control of his vehicle. The driver of the minivan (not pictured) did not. That trucker is DEAD. Do you read me here? BE CAREFUL!

In current times the test for a commercial driver's license (now simply known as a "CDL") is more complicated and the driving test is more demanding. You'll need to pay attention in class and work hard to sharpen your driving skills. When I backed into trucking, the test I took was essentially the same as that for a non-commercial license, but you had to be in a one-ton or larger vehicle. That was it. No trailer, no "serpentine backing" test, no nothing. There were a few extra questions on the written test about where to place your reflective triangles or flares if you broke down and other related questions. Any idiot could pass the written test.

Now there are several classes of CDL, with written and driving tests to match each type. You must know how to properly inspect your vehicle and understand the basics of adjusting brakes, fixing lights, etc. You must understand the laws that govern the industry, and separate "endorsements" are required for hazardous materials, tankers, and vehicles with air brakes. There is of course a separate test for each endorsement. You have to know how to secure a load to the trailer, safety procedures for chemical spills, and a host of other information. And, a CDL costs a lot more than it used to. This is partly due to an overly zealous Federal Department of Transportation. However, the F-DOT is only part of a monstrous bureaucracy in Washington that changes the rules almost yearly in an attempt to pacify every brainless truck-hating special interest group that shows up to lobby them "for change." My first license cost me $6.00 back in 1976. When the CDL program (it's a federally administered license now) went into effect in 1992, the prices increased dramatically. The price varies from state to state and prices are subject to change so I won't attempt to quote those prices here. Suffice it to say that it's doubtful you'll get your CDL for less than fifty dollars. And don't bother looking for a movie where Godzilla attacks D.C. I FX'd it myself. Damn... I'm good.

Is it like "Smokey and the Bandit?"
Yes, I've actually had to field this question, and no, it isn't like in the movies. It's fun, it's hard, and it's both demanding and rewarding. But don't try hauling a load of stolen beer at 100 mph with a nutcase in a Pontiac running your front door, okay? It isn't like the movie "Convoy" or "High Rolling" either. Ahem… reality please.

Is there police harassment?
To a degree, yes. You're subject to random inspections and on rare occasion, random searches. You must pass through DOT (Dept of Transportation) checkpoints and weigh stations in which an officer can, on the slightest whim, demand to see your logbook, permits, and freight bills. You are subject to being tied up in a weigh station for half an hour while an inspector (we call'em "Creeper Cops") crawls around under your vehicle looking for ANYTHING that constitutes an equipment violation. Fines are high, jail is a possibility, and the cops know that they have you by the… uh… well you know what I mean.

There are corrupt cops, stupid cops, arrogant cops, cops who are having problems at home and take it out on you, and fortunately there are also a lot of straight-up honest cops. Most of them are content to just do their job and behave in the process. If you encounter a "bad" cop, and you will sooner or later, just swallow your pride and get it over with. Keep your mouth shut until you're told to open it. Be polite and cooperative and the whole thing will go much more quickly and much less painfully. Personally, I regard DOT cops as a necessary evil. Laws are pointless if not enforced, but when I'm on a tight schedule I have little patience for some guy with a cheap badge and a bad attitude who feels he's qualified to tell me how to do my job. I deal with it, but it's rarely easy.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, you'll roll through a weigh station with zero problems. I get hit with an equipment inspection about once or twice per year, and my logbook gets checked about 3 times per year. In most cases the DOT cop just checks things over and sends me on my way. Greet them with a smile, but don't kiss ass. Excuse my French here, but kissing ass is a sure way to arouse a cop's suspicion. Act like a pro, and in most cases you'll be treated like a pro.

What kind of benefits can I expect?
A midsize or larger company will nearly always have health insurance. You can also expect a paid vacation, retirement program, and on rare occasion, sick days. Most trucking company retirement programs are generic 401k's. Seen one, seen'em all.

Most companies have passenger programs that allow you to take your spouse, child, or other family member along. Some charge a small fee to cover the cost of insuring your passenger, and most all of them will require that you and your passenger sign a waiver releasing the company from any liability regarding your passenger. That's fair enough.

Some companies also allow you to carry a pet. One of my brothers is also a trucker and he cherishes the company of his two Rat Terriers, "Dodger" and "Wishbone." I personally don't carry my pets, though I miss them and pay a "kitty sitter" to care for them while I'm gone. I can't imagine having 3 rambunctious cats confined in the cab of a truck. It'd be pure madness. Be mindful of keeping your pet well-groomed and you'll need to be vigilant in cleaning up after your dog, cat, spider monkey, or whatever your chosen pet may be. If you get lax in your housekeeping, your truck will smell like the city dog-pound. So will you. Also, keep in mind that your employer will probably not be very understanding if your truck ends up looking (and smelling) like a city dump. Don't expect to keep your job very long if you allow your pet to completely trash a $100,000 piece of equipment, okay?

What do I look for in a prospective employer?
First and foremost, even before you consider the pay, consider how a company treats its drivers. You have the right, even as a rookie driver, to expect fairness and honesty. You are owed respect and common courtesy, and do not settle for less. It's a driver's job market. Just about every company in the country is constantly hiring drivers to meet the needs of a growing economy. Wages are generally non-negotiable, but you can shop around to find a company with a wage and benefit package to meet your needs.

Also look at their equipment. It doesn't have to be a shiny brand-new truck. Judge how the company maintains its equipment. Safe equipment is your first concern here, but also consider what options are included in their trucks. Some companies strip their trucks to the frame rails, while others have every available option. I'd much rather drive an older truck with tilt, cruise, a good stereo, and a roomy sleeper than a new truck with nothing. At the time of this writing I'm assigned to a 1996 Freightliner with over a million miles on it. But… it's gets all the attention it requires. It has tilt wheel, cruise control, a 470 hp engine, "condo" sleeper, a SERIOUS 4-speaker stereo, and a load of other options. It pulls well enough, runs like a racehorse, and rarely gives me problems. I also have an excellent benefit package considering the size of the company (27 trucks) and I'm treated like family. A rookie driver won't work here. My boss requires years of experience. This job, I feel, is the one I've finally earned.

As to the money, it varies widely from job to job. You must compare pay against benefits and equipment to find the balance that works for you. You won't be able to do this at first. You'll need to work for a rookie-friendly company for a couple of years to gain the credibility found only with hard experience, then you can go out and find a better job if you're not satisfied where you are. Most companies pay by the dispatched mile, based upon the "Household Movers Guide." This is a huge list of standard mileages between cities and towns. Per-mile pay can run anywhere from 25 cents per mile (avoid these cheapskates!) to 40+ cents per mile. At the time of this writing (Jan-05) the average pay per mile for a company driver with 3 years experience is 33 cents per mile. You can run pretty much as many miles as you wish as long as you stay within the Hours of Service Regulations. It's reasonable to expect 2500 to 3000 miles per week from most employers. Do the math. For a single driver with no passenger, living expenses on the road will normally run about $100 per week for eating, smoking, drinking coffee, and whatever else you require. Avoid buying stuff like toiletries and clothing in truck stops, even though most of them have well-stocked stores. Truck stop prices are much higher than your local store at home.

You'll also get paid for extra stops. This is when a load requires that you either pick up and/or deliver to multiple points. There is also extra pay if you have to physically unload the trailer. Most warehouses that have a "driver unload" policy also have "lumpers" onsite who will unload you for a fee. Your company should pay this fee and most of them do pay it without complaint. Avoid companies that don't pay lumper fees. The lumper issue generally only applies to box trailers (dry vans and refrigerated trailers). Flatbeds, tanks, etc rarely have to deal with fees for loading and unloading. Nearly all companies pay for weighing your load (most truck stops have public scales) and the majority of companies also pay for your tolls, if any, as long as the toll road or bridge is on your route.

How do I take a bath?
Nearly all truck stops have showers. The major truck stops and the nicer independents have private showers that are cleaned and sanitized after each use. Expect to be reminded of the bathroom in a small motel. Showers are generally free with a minimal fuel purchase (usually 50 gallons) and a non-fueler can shower for about seven bucks. Don't be surprised if you have to wait in line to shower if you do it in the evening.

Where do I eat?
Truck stops almost always have decent food. You'll find everything from fast food to elaborate buffets. Be careful what you eat, though. It's easy to end up gaining a LOT of weight while eating all that buttered cornbread, mashed 'taters, pork chops, and chocolate pie and sitting on your butt all day driving. I learned the hard way. Lordy! What a gut I've grown. Don't stop in the middle of the day and sit down for a meal. That uses up valuable time. Grab a sandwich to go if you must and eat your big meal in the evening after you're done. Then, go take a walk and burn a few calories. It's working for me.

What if I get sick on the road?
Most truck stops will allow you to drop your trailer on their lot and go visit a doctor. Some don't allow this. You may need to call a cab. Look in the Yellow Pages for a walk-in clinic and then call ahead to make sure it's okay to show up with a bobtail truck. Most clinics don't mind at all. If you're deathly ill of course, you'll probably want an ambulance anyway. My worst day was in 1987. I got food poisoning from a truck stop in North Carolina (no longer in business) and ended up in a hospital for one day and then flat on my back in the sleeper for two more. I almost died. Thanks to ex-wife #2, a very good Virginia hospital and the Lord above I pulled through. I didn't know a stomach could hurt that badly. I've only been ill on the road one other time, and that was a particularly bad case of the flu. A clinic I visited prescribed me a bottle of pills, my boss made arrangements for a late delivery with the customer, and all went well enough. Getting sick on the road is never fun, but it doesn't have to be a disaster.

Is it all worth it?
I can't answer that question for you. It's been good for me, but we're all unique people (Some of us are "more unique" than others). You may try it and love it, or you may decide that trucking just isn't for you. You may decide that you like to drive a truck but don't like being gone from home. In that event there are plenty of local driving jobs to be had, although some of them have weird working hours. If you have family at home, and especially if you have small children, give it a lot of thought before jumping into trucking. Can your spouse deal with your absence? I'd guess that at least two-thirds of cross-country truckers have been divorced at least once. This is a serious consideration. If you're single, or if your spouse wants to go along (team-driving is an option here), then it can be a boatload of fun. Take your camera. Buy postcards and send'em to Mom and Dad (yours, not mine!). Savor and remember each and every day on the road, and drink in the sights you see in your travels. Trucking ain't easy, but if you love the road, life can be good behind the wheel of a semi.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Pics From Wolf Creek Pass

All images copyright 2006 by Alan Burkhart

Here are some pics I shot while driving over Wolf Creek Pass in Colorado (hwy 160) in September '06.















Friday, November 17, 2006

Offended? Don't Be a Boob!

By Alan Burkhart

I’ve often thought that there are people in this world who spend their days walking around just looking for something to get offended about. An article in the November 17, 2006 edition of USA Today has confirmed that notion. The most inoffensive and natural act a person can perform, that of a mother nursing her baby, caused a young family to be removed from a Delta Airlines (operated by Freedom Airlines) flight back on October Thirteenth. Why? Because a flight attendant found it offensive.

Emily Gillette had just begun feeding the child while awaiting takeoff. According to her own account of the incident, she was using her free hand to hold her shirt over her breast. She had a window seat and her husband was sitting next to her in the aisle seat. They were seated near the rear of the aircraft. Offensive? Hardly.

Nevertheless, a flight attendant insisted that Mrs. Gillette cover herself with a blanket. When she refused, the entire family was booted from the plane.

The incident took place in Vermont, and Mrs. Gillette has filed a complaint through the Vermont Human Rights Commission. Vermont state law protects a woman’s right to breast feed in any place “of public accommodation.” A group of parents and children have staged a “nurse in” at the Burlington International Airport in support of the Gillette family.

Let’s put this in perspective. There are some activities that simply should not be done in public places. Some activities are socially acceptable depending upon where you are at the time. And in some cases it’s a matter of context. A woman whose breast is partially-exposed during nursing is not the same as a drunken stripper who “loses” her top in an IHOP at three in the morning.

A commercial airliner is in essence a bus with wings. Breastfeeding in an airliner does not equate to mooning Luciano Pavarotti in a fine opera house (now there’s an idea).

For the life of me, I cannot fathom how the flight attendant’s life might be adversely affected by a young woman feeding her child. Some people are uncomfortable around a nursing mom, but rarely does anyone make a fuss about it. I for one am sick and tired of reading every day about self-important people getting offended over the most trivial of matters. Life would be so much simpler for all of us if we’d just live our own lives and stop meddling in the lives of others. Emily Gillette was absolutely correct to file a complaint.

Think about it. We’ve got people out there in the world who are offended by Christmas decorations, religious symbols, music, literature, movies, free speech (if they don’t agree with the speaker) and even the act of eating meat. What are we supposed to do? Should we just stay at home, keep our mouths (and shirts) closed and read books about how to be more sensitive to others?

And now an arrogant flight attendant has chosen to be offended by the simple act of a mother feeding her child in the most natural and healthy way. What’s next? Seriously folks – we’re reaching a point in which just about anything we do or say runs the risk of offending someone else.

The only people in this scenario who have the right to be offended are the Gillettes. Frankly, I hope they (groan) milk the airlines for all they’re worth.

Related Reading:

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Flying Low

By Alan Burkhart

Being a long-haul trucker, I have worlds of time during the week to ponder upon the subject of my next column while riding along the highway. Sometimes the inspiration comes from talk radio. Others times it’ll be a local newspaper in a town a thousand miles from my home. And every once in a while, my ramblings spring from something that happens to me on the road. Today is one of those days.

I’m well-acquainted with the fact that trucking is a risky way to make a living. America’s highways offer a multitude of ways to die. Combine that fact with the utter craziness that permeates our culture these days and it’s no wonder that truck driving made askmen.com’s list of “Deadliest Jobs.”

Thursday, October 12th…

I was westbound on US 6 in Southern Nevada (near Tonopah) - a desolate region that would make Mars look populous by comparison. Mind-numbing stretches of flat, empty highway occasionally interrupted by a climb over a modest mountain. Hundreds of miles of nothing but barren desert. You can go an hour at a time without meeting another vehicle.

So I'm cruising along, and I'm approaching a short but very steep (I'd guess an 8 or 10 percent grade) hill. Being this steep, it is of course a blind hill. I had no clue what was on the other side. I was approaching it at a pretty good clip, looking forward to the brief rush of falling off the other side. Sort of like an 18-wheel roller coaster. I had the stereo blasting the Blues, my shoes kicked off, and my aviator sunshades on. Smiling.

All was right in my world... until I topped the hill and found myself nose-to-propeller with a small airplane. A Cessna if I’m not mistaken.

Everything happened in a flash. The pilot veered up and starboard, while I, being the cool and collected professional, screamed the “S-word” several times in rapid succession while jamming on the brakes (well, what would you have done?).

There was a sickening nanosecond in which I was absolutely certain the wing tip would clip the top of my cab. The plane cleared my truck and trailer by no more than a few feet, and went over the hill and out of sight. It appeared to be maintaining a low altitude.

I was too dumbfounded to do anything but just plod ahead with a death grip on the steering wheel for several miles. When coherence returned, I speculated that perhaps the pilot had been attempting an emergency landing. I doubt he’d have been making a normal landing on approach to a blind hill. I've seen private pilots use deserted highways near their homes for runways, and it's legal to do so in some areas. But under normal conditions, would one not circle first and look for traffic?

While chatting with my brother that night on the phone, he suggested that maybe the guy had spotted me from above and was simply buzzing me out of malicious mischief. I suppose that's also a possibility. Either way, I am grateful to be alive. That was definitely not something I’d care to experience again.

Okay, so I had a bad incident that lasted all of two or three seconds. What’s my point?

First, had either I or the pilot of that plane been in the middle of a sneeze, both of us would likely be dead right now. His quick reaction and my jamming upon the brake pedal gave us just enough room to miss each other. We’ve been blessed with the chance to learn from our mistakes.

My mistake? First, I was flying low (excuse the pun) while climbing a blind hill. While it’s reasonable to assume that one will not meet an airplane on a two-lane highway, it was grossly irresponsible on my part to have been rolling that fast when I couldn’t see what lay ahead, even if only for a couple of seconds. I was bored, just knew I had the road all to myself, and had a lapse of judgment. What if there had been a stalled vehicle in the road just over the hill? What if that airplane had been just a few feet closer?

Life is precious. Perhaps we all need an occasional reminder of just how fragile and easily lost our lives truly are. I could have been decapitated by the wing, or ground into sausage by the propeller. As it turned out, both the pilot and I ended up with a story to tell, and I’ve been reminded that even after 29 years of trucking, any day could be “my day.”

So the next time you think about doing something marginally foolish for entertainment’s sake, please do ask yourself if the rush is worth risking your life for. I’m betting the answer will be a resounding “No.”


Related Reading:

Friday, October 13, 2006

Flying Low

By Alan Burkhart

Being a long-haul trucker, I have worlds of time during the week to ponder upon the subject of my next column while riding along the highway. Sometimes the inspiration comes from talk radio. Others times it’ll be a local newspaper in a town a thousand miles from my home. And every once in a while, my ramblings spring from something that happens to me on the road. Today is one of those days.

I’m well-acquainted with the fact that trucking is a risky way to make a living. America’s highways offer a multitude of ways to die. Combine that fact with the utter craziness that permeates our culture these days and it’s no wonder that truck driving made askmen.com’s list of “Deadliest Jobs.”

Thursday, October 12th…

I was westbound on US 6 in Southern Nevada (near Tonopah) - a desolate region that would make Mars look populous by comparison. Mind-numbing stretches of flat, empty highway occasionally interrupted by a climb over a modest mountain. Hundreds of miles of nothing but barren desert. You can go an hour at a time without meeting another vehicle.

So I'm cruising along, and I'm approaching a short but very steep (I'd guess an 8 or 10 percent grade) hill. Being this steep, it is of course a blind hill. I had no clue what was on the other side. I was approaching it at a pretty good clip, looking forward to the brief rush of falling off the other side. Sort of like an 18-wheel roller coaster. I had the stereo blasting the Blues, my shoes kicked off, and my aviator sunshades on. Smiling.

All was right in my world... until I topped the hill and found myself nose-to-propeller with a small airplane. A Cessna if I’m not mistaken.

Everything happened in a flash. The pilot veered up and starboard, while I, being the cool and collected professional, screamed the “S-word” several times in rapid succession while jamming on the brakes (well, what would you have done?).

There was a sickening nanosecond in which I was absolutely certain the wing tip would clip the top of my cab. The plane cleared my truck and trailer by no more than a few feet, and went over the hill and out of sight. It appeared to be maintaining a low altitude.

I was too dumbfounded to do anything but just plod ahead with a death grip on the steering wheel for several miles. When coherence returned, I speculated that perhaps the pilot had been attempting an emergency landing. I doubt he’d have been making a normal landing on approach to a blind hill. I've seen private pilots use deserted highways near their homes for runways, and it's legal to do so in some areas. But under normal conditions, would one not circle first and look for traffic?

While chatting with my brother that night on the phone, he suggested that maybe the guy had spotted me from above and was simply buzzing me out of malicious mischief. I suppose that's also a possibility. Either way, I am grateful to be alive. That was definitely not something I’d care to experience again.

Okay, so I had a bad incident that lasted all of two or three seconds. What’s my point?

First, had either I or the pilot of that plane been in the middle of a sneeze, both of us would likely be dead right now. His quick reaction and my jamming upon the brake pedal gave us just enough room to miss each other. We’ve been blessed with the chance to learn from our mistakes.

My mistake? First, I was flying low (excuse the pun) while climbing a blind hill. While it’s reasonable to assume that one will not meet an airplane on a two-lane highway, it was grossly irresponsible on my part to have been rolling that fast when I couldn’t see what lay ahead, even if only for a couple of seconds. I was bored, just knew I had the road all to myself, and had a lapse of judgment. What if there had been a stalled vehicle in the road just over the hill? What if that airplane had been just a few feet closer?

Life is precious. Perhaps we all need an occasional reminder of just how fragile and easily lost our lives truly are. I could have been decapitated by the wing, or ground into sausage by the propeller. As it turned out, both the pilot and I ended up with a story to tell, and I’ve been reminded that even after 29 years of trucking, any day could be “my day.”

So the next time you think about doing something marginally foolish for entertainment’s sake, please do ask yourself if the rush is worth risking your life for. I’m betting the answer will be a resounding “No.”


Related Reading:

Friday, September 22, 2006

A Trucker’s Guide to Drinking and Driving

By Alan Burkhart

As someone who constantly travels the USA and drinks a lot of coffee, I consider myself to be a coffee connoisseur. I can’t tell you who uses what specialty coffee beans and what South American nation produces the best coffee. But I can tell you where I find the best “on the road” coffee for my picky little taste buds. With so many Americans traveling these days, “to go” coffee has become a hot item (I know, bad pun). As an all-around nice guy, I will endeavor here to save you from the aggravation of getting a truly revolting cup of coffee while you’re traveling during the upcoming holiday season.

My comparison of “to go” coffees involves national and regional chains and is based upon how I personally like my coffee at home. I daresay that this is how everyone else judges their coffee while traveling, so it’s a valid method of comparison provided that you know how I like my coffee. At home I brew a fairly strong pot of Folgers Classic Roast. Smooth, but bold. Absolutely no bitter aftertaste whatsoever. Best coffee on the planet. I drink it with just a touch of Sugar Free Coffeemate (Hazelnut) and a teaspoon of Splenda. As I write this piece, my Camel Cigarettes coffee mug is sitting right next to the keyboard.

So, who has the best “to go” coffee?

In my opinion, the best is found at “QT” (“QuikTrip”) stores. Their coffee is good no matter how you drink it. I add Splenda or Equal to mine. They generally offer “gourmet” flavored creamers and your choice of either sugar or several artificial sweeteners. But you don’t have to add anything. It’s good black as well, and even the decaf is pleasant. The only drawback to QT is the fact of their having limited locations (only 9 states).

Running a very close second to QT is “Pilot Travel Centers.” Pilot also offers a wide selection of sweeteners and flavored creamers, and they offer a diverse selection of coffees. I prefer their “House” coffee. Not too strong, but bold and quite smooth. And, Pilot Travel Centers are scattered all over the country. Wherever you’re going, there’ll be a Pilot along the way.

My only real objection to Pilot is slow-moving lines at checkout combined with the fact that they often place a hot dog service right next to the coffee. The odor of greasy hot dog franks (on rollers), onions, slaw and mustard is markedly unpleasant at 5:00 AM. If you can deal with the stench, the coffee is worth it.

Third place belongs to Waffle House. If I were rating breakfasts, they’d be the grand prize winner, but we’re doing coffee, not steak -n- eggs. Waffle House doesn’t offer gourmet creamers or vast selections of imported coffees. But they do provide a smooth and tasty cup of coffee. It’s always fresh due to the sheer volume of coffee they sell. Service is fast and friendly, and they don’t charge an arm and a leg for their products. Good stuff!

For fourth place, the nod goes to IHOP for many of the same reasons that Waffle House earned third place. The coffee is about 95% as good as Waffle House, but usually costs just a tad more (maybe a nickel or dime). Unlike Waffle House, many IHOPs also offer flavored creamers as well.

The nod for fifth place goes to Flying J Travel Plazas. Unremarkable, but drinkable. I rarely have complaints about Flying J’s java except for the occasional coffee grounds in the bottom of the cup. They offer flavored creamers and the volume of sales through the day keeps it fresh. My principal objection to Flying J is their slow service at the cash register. It’s like checking out at Wal-Mart on a Friday. Good coffee, but if you’re in a hurry you should look elsewhere.

Holding down last place for good coffee is Denny’s. Decent coffee, but I avoid their food. Get a cup to go or sit and enjoy it if you’re skipping breakfast. Why anyone would actually eat at Denny’s is beyond me.

Okay, so who has the worst coffee (rated worst to “least worst”)?

First off, if you visit a truck stop or convenience store, look at the coffee dispensers. If the establishment proudly proclaims that they sell “Community Coffee” then you should bolt for the door. The stuff tastes more like insecticide than coffee. Farmer’s Brothers commercial coffee isn’t much better. Both of these companies’ offerings are bitter and leave a despicable aftertaste. I’m told that their coffee sold for home use is better, but I’ve not tried it.

Okay, I realize that Starbucks is chiefly responsible for the “Designer Coffee” phenomenon. I tip my hat to them for causing c-store and truck stop coffee to be better now than it was some years ago. I wish them well, but I don’t like their coffee. I’ve tried it several times. The regular coffee was bitter (and expensive), and their specialty drinks (lattes, etc) were like drinking liquid candy. I’ve also tried their “Frappuccino” product sold in many convenience stores. The first one was enjoyable simply because it was different, but I grew tired of it after the second one. What’s the big deal about Starbucks?

TA (Travel Centers of America) has added flavored creamers in some locations, but in my opinion this is mainly to mask the taste of awful coffee. It’s quite bitter and you’ll taste it for a half-hour after you choke down the last sip. Their restaurant coffee is marginally better than the icky goo found in their c-stores.

Petro Stopping Centers has drinkable coffee if you get it from the restaurant or adjoining convenience store. If you’re a trucker, you already know how bad the coffee is out back at the diesel islands. As an industrial cleaner or degreaser, it’s top quality. But as coffee? C’mon guys. What’s that stuff really made of?

Next on the list of All-time Bad Coffee we find Love’s Country Stores. These are great stores and I fuel at Love’s quite often. My objection to their coffee is a lack of consistent quality. No two Love’s coffees will taste the same. Sometimes I get a good cup, other times it’s undrinkable. I have no idea why this happens, and I’m not one to speculate. FYI: When you pour a cup at Love’s, give it a sniff before you add anything. It’ll taste almost exactly like it smells. You be the judge.

McDonald’s, Wendy’s Carl’s Jr., Hardees, Burger King, etc… The fast food folks’ coffee is generally survivable, if unremarkable. Most Love’s and Pilots have fast food restaurants onsite. If I’m at a Pilot and grab a fast food breakfast, I get my coffee from Pilot. If I’m at Love’s, the fast food coffee is better. McDonald’s at one time had amazingly bad coffee, but they’ve improved it over time. As fast food coffee goes, The Clown probably has the best these days.

Okay, that covers the national and regional chains that I frequent. Many independents offer good coffee, but there are too many to rate them all. I will say that the Lehigh Truck Stop in Lexington, VA has great coffee. Favorable nods also go to Simmons’ Truck Stop in Bracey, VA, Sam’s Restaurant in Fairfield, TX, Mom’s Diner in Minden, LA (the restaurant, not the store), Jimmies Truck Stop in Madison, FL and the Davy Crockett Truck Stop near Greenville, TN. Additionally, all of the aforementioned independents have great food - especially Sam's and Lehigh.

Travel safely, enjoy the coffee, and I’ll see you on the road.
Related Reading and Websites:

Saturday, September 16, 2006

A Nightmare in the Old West

By Alan Burkhart

UPDATE: My friend Kent Knudson has passed away. Out of respect for his family and friends I will not include details here. He was a good guy and a good friend.

If you’re a regular reader of my column, you may be familiar with the ongoing plight of my good friend, Kent Knudson. There are new developments in the case and I hope you’ll take a moment to read about them. Kent is slowly gaining support in his fight, and that support is coming from both sides of the political fence.

For those unfamiliar with the situation, here’s the short version: When the incident occurred, Kent lived in Snowflake, Arizona. Until she passed away recently, he had cared for his elderly mother, who was an Alzheimer’s patient.

In 2003, Mrs. Knudson suffered a stroke and Kent had to rush her to the hospital. In his haste, he left the gate to his property open. When he returned several days later, approximately 40 head of cattle belonging to rancher Dee Johnson had entered his property. His lawn and garden were destroyed and a sewer line had been broken. After numerous calls to the rancher and unsuccessful attempts at getting the cattle to leave, Kent fired a .22 caliber rifle in the air to frighten them out of his yard.

Whether the bullet ricocheted and hit the cow is unknown, but one of the cows fell over dead in his yard. I personally find it highly unlikely that an animal weighing half a ton could be killed by a random shot from such a small firearm. Nevertheless, the cow was quite dead.

Arizona is a free range state, meaning that cattle may roam freely in and out of their owner’s property. Fences are not required. Hit a cow with your car? You’re liable for the cost of the cow. I’ve come close on a couple of occasions to smashing into a cow on a dark Arizona road. If I should die in such a crash, my estate would be liable for the price of the cow. The ranchers in Arizona have very little responsibility in this regard. And the Powers That Be in Arizona plan to make an example out of Kent Knudson.

Recent Events…
After spending over $40,000 on legal defense, Kent was convicted a few days ago. His sentencing is scheduled for September Twenty-Fifth. For defending his property, Kent could face up to one and half years in a state prison. It’s worth noting here that due to existing fences between his property and that of rancher Dee Johnson, it would be impossible for the cows to reach his gate without a fence being cut or knocked down. And according to Kent, the ballistics test of the bullet in the cow didn’t match his gun. Kent also has bigger guns than the .22. Had he sincerely wished to kill the cow, he had multiple options for weapons.

In court, an obviously biased judged tossed out almost all of the evidence that could have worked in Kent’s favor. No mention of the cut fence on an adjacent property (that allowed the cattle to reach Kent’s property) was permitted. The fact that Kent made repeated attempts to get the owner of the cattle to come and collect them was deemed insignificant.

I’m not an attorney, but my guess is that his only chance of beating this insanity will be during the appeals process. As long as this biased judge holds sway over the proceedings, he has no chance. This is a classic example of how well-connected people with power and wealth can adversely affect the lives of others.

Kent and I disagree on almost everything political, but he is a good and decent human being and is undeserving of the misery being visited upon him. This sort of thing can happen to anyone, including you or me. And it’ll keep happening until people stand up and demand change. Our property rights are fundamental to our freedom as Americans. There are too many instances in which those rights are trampled – either by unscrupulous developers, or as in Kent’s case, by an irresponsible rancher, outdated laws, and a corrupt judge.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
When merited, Kent sends out a mailing regarding his case. His most recent one is included below, with his permission. - Alan

A Nightmare Continues!
I am now a FELON because I attempted to protect my mother, a victim of Alzheimer's, from a herd of wild cattle (including bulls) on our own private FENCED property near Snowflake, AZ. The rancher refused to remove them, so I tried to scare the 30-40 cattle back through our gate with the noise from a .22 rifle and in the process one was killed. It must have been a ricochet since I know that I did not try to hit one.

Only later did I discover that the cattle had gotten to our gate because someone had cut our neighbor’s fence (and removed 40’ of 4 strand barbed wire). Our property is completely surrounded by fenced private property so, no cattle could possibly get to our open gate unless they were delivered through a cut fence! Some ranchers believe their cattle have a right to any grass or water (fenced or not). Did you know that ranchers can kill your pet dog? All they have to say is that it was bothering their cattle! (for other ranching abuses go to cowcrap.org).

I have spent $40,000 in legal fees and when we attempted to settle, the only response from the prosecution was ........
"we don't want to settle, we want to make an example of you."

Early on in the proceedings, the judge stated “this is a
simple case and it will remain a simple case
” as if he had already tried and convicted me! The judge was enraged at me once when I stated that I was the victim; in AZ, ranchers are always the victim!

The rancher (Dee Johnson), has 60 FELONIES against him for CATTLE RUSTLING. He is a cousin to both Jake Flake and Jeff Flake, in the AZ Legislature and US Congress respectively. Is it possible that politics has something to do with
this?

The first trial, in Dec., was declared a mistrial (the judge attempted to pick the jury without any input from the lawyers ....... BTW, this delay cost me another $8,000 in legal fees). Another trial took place Aug. 23-24. The judge denied all our defenses and my lawyers were powerless to prevent this. It was stated that AZ is an open range state, but that no details about open range law would be allowed into the trial. All the prosecution lies were accepted, no matter how blatant, and very little was done to refute even the obvious ones.

The day that I buried mother, the court was trying to issue her a Subpoena!

** Contact info removed now that Kent has passed away. **

A trial transcript will be posted soon!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Images from the Southeastern US


I live in Southeast Mississippi. I've lived in the Southeast since 1998 and I love the people, the weather (except the hurricanes!), and the laid-back pace of life there. This image is on State Route 28 not too far from where I live. Sort of wrecks the tree-huggers' deforestation argument, doesn't it?


This is a shot of the leading edge of Hurricane Lili in 2002 as she approached the Gulf Coast (the outer bands). I shot this somewhat blurry image near Mobile, AL while traveling on I-10. Didn't get caught in the storm itself, although I did catch some of the "spin-off" the next day.


This somewhat embarrassing moment took place a few years ago in Vicksburg, MS. I'd picked up the load of plastic pipe in Texas and was attempting to deliver it when the lift operator made a careless move and created the mess you see here. Nobody was hurt, but it took an extra hour to get it all picked up.


Shot this one while crossing the Mississippi River in Baton Rouge, LA. One of these days, I'm gonna take the time to ride on a river boat. Looks like it'd be fun.


This was shot while crossing the Atchafalaya Swamp bridge on I-10 in Louisiana. The bridge is 18 miles long.


You don't have to go out west for a pretty sunset. This was just outside Atlanta.


This old locomotive sits at the junction of highways 27 and 28 in Georgetown, MS. It's since been "re-restored" but I keep forgetting to have my camera out when I pass through.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Relax! It’s Only a Movie

By Alan Burkhart

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have read a Dan Brown novel. Worse, I enjoyed it. I feel soiled, and I fear I may do it again. Am I doomed to dwell in Purgatory?

I haven’t read The Da Vinci Code, although I have read the prequel, titled “Angels and Demons.” The whole story takes place in just a couple of days, and it had me wound tighter than an eight-day clock. Brown is a superb author. I disagree with some of Mr. Brown’s views on religion, but why should that stop me from enjoying harmless fiction?

I don’t agree with Neal Boortz on abortion, but he’s still my favorite talk radio host. I disagree with Rush on a couple of items, too, but I still enjoy his show. None of us agree on everything. Think how dull the world would be if we did.

I can’t imagine why the Da Vinci Code has created such a furor among Christians. Don’t we have greater things to worry over than a book or movie? If the notion of a fictional account of Jesus offends you, then don’t watch the movie or read the book. It’s so simple, and you won’t make nearly as big a fool of yourself as you would by standing outside the cinema waving a sign or passing out leaflets. If enough people skip the movie, it’ll bomb commercially and that will send a clear message to both Hollywood and Mr. Brown.

With all of the recent unwarranted attacks on Christian culture, I can understand why many Christians may have a short fuse. But that does not justify creating such a stir over a movie. How’s about concentrating instead on the actions of universities that routinely block Christian students from forming groups on campus? Or how about the Soledad Cross issue? Or maybe our energies could be better used by combating lunatics like Michael Newdow and the ACLU?

Here’s an excerpt from an ad posted on the Crossroads Initiative website regarding “The Da Vinci Deception.” This is a study guide to “protect” you from being led astray by the Da Vinci Code...
“The Da Vinci Deception is a powerful antidote to the spiritual poison found in The Da Vinci Code. This easy-to-read, question-and-answer book tackles the key errors in this devastating cultural phenomenon. It is the perfect giveaway to family, friends, parishioners, and anyone you think may be in danger of having their faith in Christ and His Church eroded by the mockery of Truth that is The Da Vinci Code.”

Devastating?

Dan Brown isn’t the first author to blend fact and fiction. Michael Crichton, Tom Clancy and the writing team of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child have done it for years, and with great success. Brown’s mistake was that he crossed a line by twisting the history of Christ. It’s one thing to use factual information regarding our military to write a credible novel about a POW rescue in Viet Nam. It’s something else altogether to suggest that Christ engaged in a sexual relationship. The fact of Jesus’ celibacy is a central tenet of the Christian faith.

Even so, we do not live in a theocracy. I can sit down and write a book on any subject I choose. It’s my right as an American to do so, and I would willingly step up and defend Brown’s right to write as he sees fit, even though The Da Vinci Code has probably guaranteed him a hot-seat in Hell. The consequences of his work lie between him and God, and it’s not my place to judge him.

Here’s something you can count upon: There is presently an e-mail campaign afoot to stage protests outside theaters showing The Da Vinci Code. If there are widespread protests, the MSM will compare the protesters to the Muslims who had their burqas in a knot over the Mohammed cartoons. Images of hysterical protesters waving signs will be plastered on the front page of every major newspaper in America. Why? Because such a gross overreaction would be worthy of ridicule.

Neither the book nor the movie can stop you from worshipping as you see fit. We have plenty of real opponents to deal with. Dan Brown isn’t one of them. He has plainly stated that the book is a work of fiction and that people should make up their own minds about the story. The following statement is from his website FAQ…
HOW MUCH OF THIS NOVEL IS TRUE?
The Da Vinci Code is a novel and therefore a work of fiction. While the book's characters and their actions are obviously not real, the artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals depicted in this novel all exist (for example, Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings, the Gnostic Gospels, Hieros Gamos, etc.). These real elements are interpreted and debated by fictional characters. While it is my belief that some of the theories discussed by these characters may have merit, each individual reader must explore these characters' viewpoints and come to his or her own interpretations. My hope in writing this novel was that the story would serve as a catalyst and a springboard for people to discuss the important topics of faith, religion, and history.

Misguided? Yes. Devastating? Hardly.

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